2 A Day & A Second Show?

Well I'm entering my last month of, "the easy part", of training for this competition...

Around the last week of January, my schedule will change from 6 workouts a week to 12. In the mornings, it will be my regular weight training, and then the evenings will be intense cardio and abs. I'll be doing around an hour and a half of cardio, and about a half hour of abs. So I'll be clocking in about 4 hours a day in the gym, times 6 days a week... that's about 24 hours of training a week. Which I guess doesn't sound that bad on paper... but it's going to be rough. I'll have to keep this shit up until May 6th. I want to begin the 2 workouts a day routine a few weeks before my diet starts, so that I'm not doing it all at once. It would be a lot to handle. So if I can get myself into the groove with the workout routine, then the diet won't be quite as daunting.

So, until then, I'll just enjoy these "easy" days of heavy lifting.

In talking to some of the other guys at the gym about my competition, I've also learned that there is another competition a week later... "The Mid-Illinois". They're all telling me I should do that show too, as I will be in shape and dieted for it, and it's only one week after my first show. On paper it makes sense... but that's a decision I'll make the day of my first competition. If I'm really dying, and want to eat food and drink water again, then I'll say fuck it. If I'm actually handling the diet ok, then I may tough it out for one more week, and do the second show. I'll have gotten my first two shows under my belt within a week.

But like I said... we'll fuckin' see.

For The Love Of Beer

This is the famous Budweiser beer!!! I know of no other brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age. Their exclusive Beechwood Aging produces a taste, a smoothness, and a drinkability you will find in no other beer at any price. Budweiser "The King Of Beers" is brewed by their all natural process using the choicest hops, rice and best barley malt.

Budweiser pours with a golden sparkle, and so much head you'll be waiting 20 minutes before drinking it. With enough sweat on the bottle that the label at times just peels right off. The aroma is reminiscant of every frat party you've ever been to. The first sip brings a rush to the senses of hops, and barley malt. The aftertaste is immediately foul, however you will soon forget about it as your imminent innebriation takes hold. $12.00 for 24 bottles makes for a cheap night of getting trashed, and taking it easy.

Overall I give this beer a 5 out of 5!

Visit Budweiser at:

Http://www.Budweiser.com

(This report dedicated to the true master of beer tasting, Mr. Donny Thompson!)

Ticket Prices

Well, I found out how much admission for my competition in May is going to be. Unfortunately the tickets cost more than I thought they would. They will be $25.00 per person. I know this will probably cut down on the number of people coming out that night to see me. It's already a drive out to Rockford, and then the money on top of it.. it's a bit much to ask of people I suppose. Regardless, I'll be appreciative of all those who can make it out. For those who would like to come out and offer their support, but feel the $25 is a little steep, you can attend the daytime competition also known as "pre-judging". Daytime admission is only like $7 - $10. The day show is simply the judging. No music, no individual routines, the competitors get lined up in their classes, and are run through specific poses so that the judges can make their decisions. I'll have more information on times and all as we get closer to the show. It's all still a ways off from now.

Results, and photos from the most recent competition from a few weeks ago have been posted here...

http://boonecountysports.smugmug.com/gallery/966548

This will give you all a glimpse of what these competitions are like, and why I keep saying I'm going to get killed in mine. Like I said I'll be competing in the heavyweight class. So check them out... you'll see what I mean.

My Favorite Eddie Match

For the first time in 5 years I have found myself NOT wanting to watch wrestling...

I have the last 4 years of pay-per-views on DVD which pretty much dominate my allotted television viewing time. But almost every one of them features Eddie Guerrero in a match somewhere.

I've been on and off depressed over this since last Sunday. This isn't the end of the world for me or anything, it's just something I haven't quite gotten over entirely yet. So watching wrestling just seems depressing to me right now. In an effort to try and get over it, I went through my PPV's and tried to find the one that I felt featured Eddie Guerrero's best match.

Judgement Day 2004: WWE Champ Eddie Guerrero vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield

This was it. From start to finish this was a great Eddie match. He was quick, technical, funny, and had the crowd on his side from start to finish. The match ends in a disqualification, which allowed Eddie to retain the title, but the win technically went to JBL.

JBL cracked Eddie over the head with a chair, and for the remaining 20 minutes of the match Eddie POURED... and I mean POURED blood EVERYWHERE!!! For 20 minutes he painted the canvas of the ring with blood, the announce tables were covered in his blood, JBL was wearing it, and Eddie who was half out of it for a few minutes bursts back to life doing his Latino Heat dance in the middle of the ring, and floors JBL. The crowd went apeshit, and it was a fun match to watch. That's what Eddie did, he made fun matches. If someone were to ask me to show them the best match I own of Eddie Guererro, I would show them that match. So if you'd ever like to see it, I'd love to show it to you.

Watching this was hard for me, but it did help me.

I talked to Neil tonight. It was the first time I've talked to him since all of this happend. I kind of thought he wouldn't understand me being so upset over this, but I was wrong. He completely understood, and was really awesome about it. It was like he could read my mind, he knew exactly how I was feeling. He related it to when Daryl Kile of the St. Louis Cardinals passed away in his sleep. Neil took that very hard, and was at the first home game following the death, where they had a pre-game tribute. He said he was standing there crying through the whole thing. So he did know, and understood. That made me feel better.

They found Eddie's cause of death. Heart disease. It was a lingering effect of the abuse he put his body through years ago when he was addicted to drugs and alcohol. This hit home for me, in relation to my friend who's having similar problems. Who thinks he can do all the things he's doing to himself until his 30's, quit, and everything will be fine. Well, Eddie was 34 when he went clean, was 4 years sober, and still suffered for his past. I just hate where this is all going.

Pictures

I just wanted to post a few pictures from the show last night, for those who might not have gotten to see it. It really is truly amazing how much this has impacted me. I have been breaking into tears on and off since Sunday night...

Even now...

Remembering Eddie

I just wanted to say that the memorial show for Eddie Guerrero last night was very well done, and was extremely appreciated on my part. I am someone who needs closure to extremely upsetting situations like this, and like a funeral provides such closure, so did last evenings show. It was naturally, a very difficult thing to watch. To see people whom I consider to be almost superheroes, crippled with grief, and bent over in tears. It was truly a testiment to who Eddie Guerrero was, not only as a performer, but as a person. Again my deepest regrets go out to not only Eddie's friends, fellow fans, but his family. All night the one common denominator between all of the testimonials his friends gave about him, was how much Eddie spoke of his family, and his love for them. That everything he did in that ring was for them.

I have the highest respect for professional wrestlers. I take a lot of shit for it. Most people don't truly understand what it takes, and the sacrifices these men and women make on a daily basis. This is why I get so defensive when people immediately rip on wrestling when I mention I love it, when they themselves don't know shit about it. I respect Eddie Guerrero, and I will honor his memory with a continuing, undying respect for him.

This whole experience has definitely affected me. I'm not sure what the final result will be, but I know that a part of me will not be the same for having experienced this.

One last time, I want to say thank you to Eddie. For busting his ass 300 days a year in that ring, sacrificing his body out there, for making me laugh, and helping me forget my own pain.

You will be missed Eddie, but never forgotten.

Viva La Raza!

A Tragic Loss

Today, a great man passed away...

This morning, Smackdown Superstar, and former WWE Champion, Eddie Guererro passed away in his sleep. He had arranged a 7 a.m. wake up call with the hotel he was staying in, up in Minneapolis, and didn't respond. After several attempts the hotel contacted Eddie's nephew and fellow WWE Superstar, Chavo Guererro, who was staying in the same hotel, and they entered Eddie's room. He seemed to be sleeping, according to Chavo, and he just wouldn't wake up. Chavo realized there was something wrong, called 911, and began performing CPR... but it was too late. Currently the cause of death is unknown. An autopsy is being performed to attempt to determine the cause of death.

It is no secret that Eddie battled a serious drug addiction several years ago. So naturally the question was posed, "Did Eddie relapse into drugs again, and possibly have killed himself?". Chavo Guererro answered, that the day before Eddie's passing, he had shared in a private moment with Chavo, that he was 5 years clean and sober as of 3 days prior. Chavo said that you could see in Eddie's face how proud he was of himself, and Chavo high fived him, hugged him, and told him how proud he was of him. So the answer is no. Whether long term effects from the damage he caused himself years ago, had any influence on Eddie's early demise, has yet to be determined.

First and foremost, Eddie Guererro was the father of 3 girls. Ages 12, 8, and 2. He was also a loving husband to his wife Vickie Guererro. And as mentioned earlier was the loving uncle of Chavo Guererro. They were very close in age, and were more like brothers than anything. They collectively were former WWE Tag Team Champions together.

Eddie's story of overcoming his drug addiction, made him a very humanized character in the WWE. He wasn't a superhero. He was a real guy, with real problems, but with the courage and love of his family to help him overcome his demons. Thusly the WWE really brought you into the personal life of Eddie Guererro. Specials, interviews etc. allowed the viewers to get to know the Guererros, and the path they've been down. It is because of this insight, and the simple adoration for everything he brought to professional wrestling, that I am deeply saddened by this loss, and would like to offer my deepest, and most heartfelt condolences to the Guererro family.

Eddie Guererro brought color, energy, smiles, and laughter with him every time he drove out to the ring in a different low rider. His in-ring family tradition of lie, cheat, and steal to win, brought about some of the most hysterical scenarios in the ring and out. Latino Heat... that was what he called the energy he had, the passion he felt.

Eddie had a lot of friends in the locker room. But there were some that he was closer with than others. Guys he had been all over the world with, who had seen him at his worst, and watched him rise up to overcome it. I would like to take a moment to recognize the men who Eddie Guererro called a friend...

Chris Benoit
Dean Malenko
Perry Saturn
Chavo Guererro
Rey Mysterio
Rob Van Dam
Booker T

4 years ago, when I started watching WWE, that was when Eddie Guererro came into the company again after completing his drug rehab. 4 years ago... The journey I have been on in the last few years in my life, I have taken along with me a group of characters that would become like a family to me, Eddie came along for that ride. Every one of those men on the roster who made me laugh when no one else could, who helped me forget the pain when nothing else could, who inspired me when no one else could... every one of those men feel like family to me. I see them everyday, and I see what they are willing to go through to do what they love, and to entertain the fans.

I feel as though I have lost someone very close to me.

I know that many will think I've probably jumped off the deep end at this point, to be this upset about someone on television who I've never met in person. But like I said, he was very real person, with a very real family, who will now have to go on without their loving father and husband. I feel great sadness for the Guererro family, because I know what a great person Eddie Guererro was.

This morning as I ate my breakfast I had been watching Wrestlemania 20 on DVD. Even as I watched it I was asking myself, "why am I watching this?". It's really not the greatest Wrestlemania, but for some reason I wanted to see it. It wasn't until the end when I saw my favorite part, that I remembered there was in fact a part that I liked.

At Wrestlemania 20, Eddie Guererro, and his best friend Chris Benoit had both won the WWE Championship, and World Heavyweight Championship, titles respectively. At the end of the night they stood in the center of the ring together, belts in hands, hugging, and red in the face with tears. You could tell they were hugging and crying so hard they just couldn't let go of each other. Madison Square Garden, with confetti falling all around them. That was the best part of Wrestlemania 20, and it is my favorite moment of Eddie Guererro's career. I saw it this morning... I got the news tonight.

I had logged onto WWE.com this evening just to check in and see what was new. There on the front page was the announcement, and a link to watch a press conference on the issue with Vince McMahon, and Chavo Guererro. At first Holly and I were just in shock... it didn't hit me all the way. Then as I watched the press conference it all sunk in... and I cried. I'm still crying.

I think the hardest part for me is just trying to imagine the next year without Eddie around on the show. To not see his smile, and his dance he'd do in the ring. To not see where he'd go next in his career, for him to not live to be inducted to the hall of fame. Knowing he won't be there to perform at Wrestlemania 22...

Knowing how incredibly awful this is for his family.

Tomorrow night on Monday Night RAW, they will be dedicating the whole episode as a tribute to Eddie Guererro. The wrestlers have all been told that they do not have to wrestle. Any matches tomorrow evening are voluntary, and are dedicated to Eddie. The majority of the show will simply be each Superstar getting some camera time to share their memories of Eddie, and say their good byes. This will be one night of Wrestling at Steve's I will not be attending. I am going to have to watch this one alone. It will be way too upsetting to see with other people there. But I will watch it. This will be an episode of RAW that will be talked about forever. So should you read this in time, I encourage you to catch it on USA, Monday night, November 14th, at 8 p.m. I guarantee it will be unlike anything you've ever seen.

It will be very difficult to watch my heroes in tears, and in pain over this tragic loss, but as they were there for me during my pain, I will share this pain with them.

Good bye, and thank you Eddie Guererro, you will be missed.

Viva La Raza!

A Friend In Need

This isn't directly related to my competition, but in the hours I spend in the gym, I spend a great deal of time thinking about things. This is something that has dominated my thoughts for a while now.

I have been very concerned about a close friend of mine. In the years I have known him he has always been a consistent pot smoker. Now right off the bat I want to say that I have smoked pot. And have even done it excessively. It's no secret. There was a period of time where everyone in my group of friends were smoking like crazy. We all went to extremes. With time, more and more of them laid off and eventually stopped. I took longer than most to lay off due to my extreme depression at the time, and the fact that at I hadn't worked out in years.

As our friends one by one slowed down and eventually stopped, my close friend never lost his momentum, and continued to do it more, and more, and more. People usually laugh it off, when they come by and see how wasted he is. It seems to have become his role in life, and it is a very costly one to take on. In the last year he has now added alcohol into the mix. Something that was more of a rarity for him back in the day. Now it's daily. I spend a great deal of time with him, and can't help but count the excessive number of BONG hits, and drinks he mixes himself within a 3 hour span, and that's just on a weeknight. Should he be on vacation, or just have the weekend off, it's at least twice as much per day. I have seen a lot of people who smoke a LOT of weed, but I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have never met anyone who smokes as much as he does. The drinking on it's own would be bad, but in terms of quantity isn't a devastating amount, just consistent. But when you add it up with the amount he smokes it is a recipe for severe health issues, or even an early death.

I have tried to talk to him about it, but he generally thinks that I'm overconcerned. That he doesn't have a problem, and even more so, doesn't think he's doing any damage to his body. He's in complete denial over the whole thing. He thinks because he is in his mid-twenties that he can do just about anything to his body, and not suffer any long term effects. He thinks that if he lays off in his mid to late 30's he'll be fine. Which is just not true, and even if it were, why would he stop then? At the rate he's going, he'll be doing it all 3 times as much by the time he's in his 30's, and that's assuming he doesn't add something else to his repituare. He also thinks that I'm some kind of health nut now or something, and that I'm just preaching to him. He relies on caffeine drinks to supply him with his energy, and pretty much eats crap from morning to night. But I'm more concerned with the weed and alcohol than his diet.

Now in the last year I've witnessed a few separate incidents, where he would black out and collapse right in front of me. There was once where we were standing in my kitchen with a few friends, just standing there talking, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his knees collapsed out from under him and he dropped to the ground SLAMMING his head on the kitchen counter on the way down. Naturally I freaked out. My brother and I got right down there and were trying to bring him to... I was 2 seconds from calling 911 when he came around, and he acted like it was no big deal. He said it was probably because he didn't take his multi-vitamin that day, and maybe he needed a Mountain Dew. Well I don't know many people who DO consistently take a mulit-vitamin everyday, and I don't see any of them passing out. I asked my father about it, and he believes that's a seizure of sorts. He's also done this in his own bathroom. I was over when he went into the bathroom, and then CRASH!!! I jumped up, and was banging on the door trying to get a response from him, and got nothing. I was once again 2 seconds from kicking the fucking door in, and then he responded. He had passed out again in there, and hit his head on the tub on the way down. If the substances don't kill him on their own, these subsequent blackouts might do it instead.

The worst was when he woke up in the middle of the night choking on a throat full of vomit. He jolted out of bed and said that the whole front of his bed was covered in puke, as well as all over the floor in FRONT of his bed, and he didn't remember vomiting at all. Now anyone else, this might scare the shit out them enough to take a look at what they're doing to themselves. He simply thought he should have kept it to 4 drinks that night instead of 5. That's all. No big deal. He's EXTREMELY lucky he didn't choke and die that night.

It was at this point that I couldn't take it anymore and had to talk to other friends of ours to try and find a way that we could all talk to him either as a group or individually, because I alone have not been able to make any progress. I think he needs to hear from people who have smoked heavily before, and stopped, and even from those who still smoke now, but just not as heavy as him. Every single person I've talked to about it, COMPLETELY shot the idea down, and those were the ones who even responded to my request. No one thinks he'll listen, no one thinks it will make a difference, they think because they haven't witnessed the events I have first hand, that they have no place to bring it up. Well I'll tell you right now, I ain't making this shit up. I wish more than anything it wasn't true. The other issue is that he does successfully maintain his job, pays his bills, and contributes to society. So in my friends eyes, he hasn't hit bottom yet. But it's just a matter of time. While he may maintain his job and all, his social life suffers for it. He is devoid of feeling any emotions other than the anxiety of getting through the day just to take that first hit, and forget about it all.

Now I agree that for him to get better, for him to get the help he needs, he has to want to get help. He has to recognize that he has a problem. But that's my whole point in trying to get people to talk to him. He thinks I'm full of shit, when I tell him he is going overboard, and he attributes it to me being some "health nut". He has shown disappointment in me for not continuing on the same path as him. He pities people who don't smoke everyday, because he assumes they hate their lives and are miserable otherwise. He needs to hear it from other people. That's the only chance he has. Ultimately he hates his life. That's why he feels the need to inebriate himself every free chance he can.

I was the same way.

When I was battling through the hardest time in my life, I was right on that line of wanting to die, but hadn't quite crossed it. The only thing that could ease the pain and anxiety I felt was to smoke. First thing in the morning to the last moment before bed. Really, it kept me from killing myself, but a point came where it had to stop. Me getting back into the gym was an intrical part in me kicking it.

What confuses me in our friends reaction to my concerns and requests for them to help me, help him, is that in the past few years none of them have ever thought twice about telling ME that I need help. That I need to talk to a social worker, or that I needed to stop smoking so much. Nobody ever hesitated to tell ME where to get off, and I think I'm someone who would be much more intimidating to talk to in that manner. I'm the one with the temper! But for my friend, everyone walks on eggshells. It hurts me, it saddens me, and it makes Holly just sick to see how chicken shit everyone is once again, in the face of a serious problem concerning a friend.

I have always said, that knowing someone has at LEAST tried to help, but failed, means so much more than them having not tried at all.

I was deprived of that in my time of need, I wish people could learn a lesson from that and use it to help our other friend. I don't want to be standing over his casket 10 years or less from now, knowing that the people who came over to his house so many times, who called him their friend, never even attempted to help him.

I have left him anonymous in this entry, but most who read this will know who I'm talking about. If he knew I wrote this, he may stop talking to me. But if someone doesn't step up to the plate here with me, and try to help, he'll be dead and won't be talking to me anyway.

Back For More

Well I'm back from a week of rest down in Florida. My father completed the 2005 Florida Iron Man in 15 hours, and 9 minutes. It was a great trip, and all things considered I ate pretty healthy when I was down there. I kept my weight while I was gone. Usually if I don't work out for a week or so, I'll lose weight. I came back to the gym today feeling strong, and fresh. It was excellent. I anticipate this to be a fun week in the gym. I've got my new routine starting this week, I'll be loading creatine all week, and pushing heavy. It's time to start packing some serious fucking weight on, time to get fucking huge. I'm excited.

A Time Of Rest

This will be my last full week of training for a week or so. My father is competing in an Iron Man Triathalon down in Florida next week... I know... this is a hell of a time to go to Florida, but it'll be on the northwest corner of the state, so assuming Florida is still there when we go... it should be ok. But with being gone for a week, I won't be training, and I'll get a week of 100% complete rest. It's hard to force this kind of rest when you're at home, as important as it is, you feel guilty not training... like you're wasting a day. It will be good for my body to get away from the heavy lifting, and rebuild itself... then the exciting thing is coming back to workout even stronger.

Wrestlemania 22 Tickets!!!

Today I got my ticket to Wrestlemania 22...

Now while I’m sure many of you are rolling your eyes , this is a very big thing for me. This is bigger to me than the event itself. It symbolizes something very deep to me, the end of one era… and the beginning of a new one.

5 years ago, I lost someone very dear to me, not to death, I just lost someone who no longer wanted to be apart of my life anymore. Most of you know the situation, and for those who don’t, you don’t need to know.

At the time I was lost and hurt. I had felt pain like I had never felt before, and it affected my life in just about every negative way possible. I lost my job, I lost friends, I lost my passion for music, for art, and I wanted to die. I had to smoke from the minute I got up in the morning, to my last conscious moment at night. For all the harm it was doing me, it was the only thing that kept me from wanting to die. It sedated me.

Right around that time was when I started watching wrestling.

Steve watched it every Monday and Thursday night, and always wanted me to come over to hang out. I wasn’t going over there to watch wrestling, I was going over there to hang out with Steve, to smoke, to get out of the house. It accounted for the whole 4 hours a week I left my home at the time. I never liked wrestling, I gave my brother shit about watching it all the years he did. I had no love for it, and found it a waste of time.

For some reason, I unexpectedly found myself being drawn into it. Taking an undeniable interest in it, at a time when I didn’t have interest in anything. Life was just a big white empty room that I lived in, and each day just ran one into the next. I could barely bring myself to take a shower sometimes, it was that bad. But before I knew it, come hell or high water, I was there for what has now come to be known as “wrestling night” at Steve’s.

Wrestling… who would have thought?

I have always loved characters. That was what I loved about He-Man, Transformers, Garbage Pail Kids, comic books etc. I’ve always been taken with characters. And for the first time since I was a kid, I had found a place where characters existed, in a comic book like setting, but were real people taking real risks. My love for bodybuilding also played a role in my obsession with wrestling. At the time I was grossly out of shape. Smoking my ass off, and either starving for weeks, or eating incessantly. I was gross, and I felt like it. At one point, after having not trained consistently for almost 4 years, I had gotten up to 230lbs and it was all fat. I truly no longer felt like myself. There were so many things in my life that I wanted to change, but had no control over at the time. But one thing I did know how to do, was workout, and lose weight. And if it was the only thing I could change, then I would do it. Being exposed to those physiques week after week and wanting to look, and feel in shape again, let alone look like them, was a big inspiration to me. It got me back into the gym. Which naturally forced me to lay off smoking, more and more as time went on. On my workout CD I’d listen to all of the various entrance songs the wrestler’s would come out to. To remind me why I was back in the gym, to drive me. I had developed an incredible amount of respect for the wrestlers, both as athletes, and human beings. I had read up on them, heard their stories, heard of their adversities they had overcome to get where they are now.

I needed someone to look up to, I needed a hero… I got a hundred of them.

Since then not a single Monday Night RAW, or episode of Smackdown has gone by that I haven’t seen as it aired. I needed a distraction from the pain, I needed something fun in my life again. Wrestling has provided this for me. It has been a long 5 years, and along the way I have suffered through an insurmountable amount of pain, and hidden it well from the general public. I really don’t know how I would have gotten through it without my wrestling.

All along, all I’ve needed was some closure to the events that had unfolded 5 years ago. No amount of wrestling could provide that. I needed the real thing. I needed an end to it. A week ago today I got it.

I spoke to the very person who I had lost so long ago. I got the closest thing to closure that I’m ever going to get, and after 5 years of living in hell over it all… it’s finally over. I will always have a scar on my heart over all that happened… and I still have a lot of healing to do, but the continuing pain is over.

One week later, I procured my ticket to Wrestlemania 22. I made it. I’ve earned it.

I made it through all the hell, all the pain. I whipped my ass back into shape, and am now on the road to compete in a fucking bodybuilding competition. Every sleepless night, every tear shed… And I finally got the answers I needed. And as if it were some sort of reward for it all, when I finally broke free, I was given this chance to go to Wrestlemania.

The last 5 years have all culminated to this event.

Wrestlemania is the biggest show that wrestling has to offer. It has been called the Super Bowl of wrestling, The World Series of wrestling. Wrestlemania has consistently sold out in less than a minute, year after year after year. Last year when they announced that Wrestlemania was coming to Chicago for 2006, I literally was in tears. The dream of going to the biggest show of the year in my hometown seemed to good to be true. Those who have been by my place since that day last March, have all seen the running countdown on the dry erase board in the kitchen. I told everyone, I’d sit in the last seat in the last row… I just want to be there. Even knowing it was coming, I wasn’t sure I’d get to go. Like I said it sells out in less than a minute. I was fortunate enough to get on the pre-sale list, and somehow I got a ticket.

April 2nd, 2006 will be the true culmination of all of these events for me. The day I’m standing there, World Heavyweight Championship around my waist, sign waiving in the air, and the show starting. I’ll have a hard time not breaking down right there.

I will always love wrestling, I will keep watching. It has helped me in so many ways. It somehow became my therapy. I still listen to that CD during workouts to this day, and if you’re wondering what song I’m going to pose to at my competition, I bet you could at least guess where it’s from.

I have a lot of regrets in my life, but one of the biggest has to be that I did not get into wrestling at a younger age. I'm certain that if I had, I would have made it my life's goal to become a wrestler myself.

I’m sure some of you may find this story to be a bit over the top. But it is real, and it is true. And this moment in my life is very important to me. For the first time in 5 years… I now have been reminded of what it truly feels like… to be happy.

So should you be watching Wrestlemania 22 on April 2nd, 2006... Know that Tom Else is there, and that it is one of the most special moments of my life.

170 days until Wrestlemania 22.

Tom Else: Heavyweight

Well I finally got my hands on the official competition rules, so that I could figure out what weight class I should shoot for. I had initially planned on entering the light heavyweight class, but today I found out that the light heavyweight class cuts off at 198 1/4 lbs. Well I'm around 228lbs right now, with the intent on getting bigger by the show. There's no way that I have 30lbs of fat on me to lose. I couldn't do it, not without losing muscle along the way. It's like trying to squeeze into a tight pair of jeans... it's just not going to happen. If I could have somehow competed in the light heavyweight class, I may have had a real good chance of placing in the top 5.

However, now I will end up qualifying for the heavyweight class, which is 198 1/4lbs and up. Which means I'll be up there with all of the biggest guys in the competition, on the low end of the weight class. So basically... I'm fucked. Like, I don't see how it's possible for me to even place in the show. Short of there being only 4 other heavyweights who enter. Which isn't going to happen. The heavyweight class averages between 10 - 20 guys.

But as I said when I started this, I'm not in it to win anything. It's all about the training. Just like you can't enter your first marathon expecting to win it. When one goes out to do something like this the first time, the goal needs to simply be to do it.

Plus you never know what could happen between now and May 6th, 2006. So I shall press on with the knowledge that I need to start getting seriously big.

I AM NOT ON STEROIDS!!!

I have had people for the last year or so continually ask me if I do steroids. At first I took it as a compliment, and laughed it off. But as time has gone on, and I've gotten bigger, I have more and more people asking me about it...

My father, my chiropractor, my friends, people in the gym... And not everyone believes me when I tell them NO!!! First of all, the simple fact is, that even if I wanted to take steroids I couldn't afford to. I don't have the money to be spending on shit like that. I am also aware of the effects that steroids can have on your body, especially your kidneys, and your overall mood. I have enough emotional problems to deal with, if I was roiding up on top of it all I'd probably jump out the fucking window. I could see if I looked like Batista or Brock Lesnar, but I'm not THAT big! Those guys are 320 lbs. and 295 lbs. respectively. And cut to shit too. At the very least, if I WERE on steroids, my legs would have filled out more than they are. I'm top heavy, plain and simple.

So in an effort to lay all my cards on the table, I'll tell you all EXACTLY what I take as far as supplements go...

I drink 2 protein drinks at 40 grams each, 5-10 grams of creatine, and 5 grams of glutamine a day. On top of a diet that adds up to a total of 200-250 grams of protein a day. That's it.

All perfectly legal, and safe when used properly.

Bodybuilding is something I have been exposed to since as long as I can remember. My father was always a big guy, and then in my teens he began competing. When I was 15 I started working out myself. I have had the benefit of drawing on not only my parents experience, but friends of theirs who have also been successful natural bodybuilders. I learned good form, and good workout practices right from the get go, and that along with ambition and discipline, goes a long way. That's what I would attribute my "success" to.

It upsets me, because I can honestly say that there are few things in life that I've achieved without taking some sort of short cut around. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. THIS however has been 100%, balls out, all my own effort since day 1. If there is one thing that has given me any sort of advantage beyond what I've already stated, it is an EXTREME emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday, over the loss of several people that I still love dearly. But as much as that can drive me in the gym, it has also driven me out of the gym as well.

What set me off today was, I came into the locker room after a great arms workout, and there are two guys in there. One immediately started telling me that he's noticed a big size increase in me in the last few months. He's a good guy, and I appreciated his noticing, and compliment. Then there was this other fuck, who came by, and basically said the same thing, but then asked me what kind of roids I was on, and where do I get them. Then he went on to tell me that he "knows" I'm on them because of my "puffy" face. Fuck him! I'm already self conscious enough about my fat fucking face, that I don't need this asshole rubbing it in. But that aside, when I told him I'm natural, he says... "every big guy in here says they're natural, and that's a crock of shit." I told him again that I don't, and then he just started basically telling me that he's everyone's hook up in the gym, and all the great deals on roids he could get me, and what they would do for me etc. That he'll be in touch with me the next time he sees me in there. Well he'll be smart if he avoids my ass when I'm in there.

It was just the last straw... Like I said, this is something I have honestly worked hard for, and I will not allow everyone's doubts to take that away from me. I am tired of not being taken sincerely.

So... I have decided that this weekend I am going to make a shirt that says, "NO!!! I AM NOT ON STEROIDS!!!" And I'll wear that when I'm training. And people may think it's egotistical, but I am so fucking tired of the accusation that I'll just answer it before they can ask.

An Update

Well it's been a while since I've checked in here. Mostly because there hasn't been much to say. I've been training hard, eating my ass off... I'm 228 lbs. now. I'm slowly creeping up in weight. Been getting stronger... there it is.

The Date Is Set

Well I finally have the official date of the competition.

The Grand Prix will be held in Rockford IL, on May 6th, 2006.

It's later than I thought it was going to be. Which kind of sucks, just because I was hoping to have the dieting, and all that shit over with before May. But it's early May so no big deal.

Both my Father and my Mother I believe had their first shows competing in the Grand Prix. I know the place it's being held, it's a nice theatre so it'll be awesome. I'm very excited about it. The further along in this I go, the more I'm glad I'm doing it.

Feeling Shitty

Eating is still an issue...

I went from pushing 5 meals a day down, to one if I'm lucky. I'm still going into the gym, and I'm still trying to push as heavy as I can, but with limited sleep, and nourishment the odds are against me. It's better for this shit to all be happening now, rather than closer to the show. Perhaps the depression will shift gears into the eating like crazy kind...

1000 Crunches

Well tonight I finally told my father about the competition. He was excited and supportive, as I knew he would be. He thinks I'll have to diet down to about 205 - 200lbs. at the most. He said he was going to talk to his friend, Dr. Michael J. Dusa about writing out my 12 week diet for me. Dr. Dusa is an old friend of my father's who has coached him through his previous competitions, and who I hung out with during the day at my father's competitions. He had written my father's diets for him when he competed, and he was always shredded. It's hard, but it goes with the territory. Dr. Dusa is a bodybuilding promoter himself in Conneticut, and had also been encouraging me to compete.

I also talked to my father about trimming down my mid-section. He said that 1000 crunches a day is an absolute sure fire way to get serious abs going. It sounds insane, but starting tomorrow I'll find out just how insane it is.

Picking Myself Up By My Bootstraps...

Well today I went into the gym and tried my damndest to train arms. I currently am filled with a lot of hurt and frustration so I tried to let it out in there and I taught those weights a thing or two. I'm trying to eat more, and trying to readjust to the world a little bit. I'm lifting much heavier these days, and I'm noticing big gains in the weight I'm throwing around now, so that's encouraging.

I'd like to say thanks to the people who have been particuarly supportive of me this last week. Things have been rough. I'd like to send a special thank you out to my good friend Lisa, you've been a big help to me.

The Worst News

Yesterday I recieved hands down the worst news I've ever heard in my entire life. This is not the place to get into details, but it's relevant nonetheless. I have suffered from chronic insomnia for the past 5 years. It has been hard enough for me to get the proper amount of rest I need to get through each day. After what I heard yesterday, it has sent it into a whole other realm. I can't sleep at all. I've eaten a bowl of cereal in the past 24hrs. This is not good. I can't have this shit happen to me now. I need to be eating a lot, and getting a lot of rest. Neither of which seem remotely possible. It all adds up to the equivilant of finding out your best friend died. I didn't think things could get worse... somehow they did.

Pressing On

Well I went to the chiropracter yesterday. Today I felt a lot better, looser. I took it easy and just trained legs. Tomorrow I have another appointment, and I'll probably try training chest afterwards. So we'll see how it goes. I don't want to miss too much time from lifting, but I also need to give it time to heal. I'm very impatient though with not getting to work out.

Setbacks

Man, this shit with my back sucks. It's still hard to turn my head. It's like The Big Show is squeezing the back of my neck, and something is jabbing into my rhomboid.

I trained legs today, just to try and get something done. It was rough, but I got through it.

I ran into a buddy of mine from the gym named Peter. Our schedules vary, so I may see him for a month straight, and then not see him for 2 months after. Today was the first I had seen him since before I had gone to Boston. I told him about the competition, and he was very excited. He's one of the people who has been a big source of encouragement for me. So he said he can't wait.

Also, I saw Mash Angolkar last night. He had just gotten back from India, on a business trip. But I told him, I decided to this competition. He seemed excited about it, and said he was proud of me, and glad to hear I'm finally going to do it. So that meant a lot to me.

At this point, I'm going to be stuck doing legs until this thing with my back can work itself out. I'm going to try and get it looked at this week sometime. It fucking hurts.

Injured!

Fuck Me!!!

Well just when I was getting worried about the reprocussions of my bad shoulder... boom... it fucks me. I was training shoulders today, doing some front arm raises, and my shoulder gave way and when the weight fell, it jerked my arm and pulled a muscle in my upper back. So now it's very stiff, and I have a hard time turning my head. So now I'll be down for a few days. It's very frustrating to want to go work out so bad, and know that I can't. I hate this. But it could be worse. This will pass in a few days. For now, I'm just icing it, and taking ibuprofen to ease the pain.

My Bad Shoulder... And A Compliment

I’ve had problems with my shoulder for a few years now. It got it fucked up when my wasted ass decided to wrestle one of my friends, who actually was a wrestler at one time. In less than a second he had driven my shoulder square into the ground. Everyone in the room could hear it pop, or crack or whatever sound it made. I had this rush of adrenaline or something rush through my body, and I started going numb, everything was going black, and it felt like someone had stuffed cotton in my ears. My body was shaking, I had gotten the chills…

You wouldn’t think all of this could happen from getting your shoulder fucked, but apparently it can.

Long story short, I came around finally, and just kept it in a sling for a week or so. It hurt too much to move it, or put any weight on it. I didn’t have any medical insurance so there wasn’t anything I could do about getting it checked out. So to this day it has gone unchecked, and I’ve trained with it ever since. It’s always hurt, more so on chest, and shoulders days. It burns with unimaginable pain. It’s always held me back to a degree, but now it’s doing so more than ever. This is a time when I need to really start lifting heavier, and while I can do so to a point, this shoulder is holding me back from my full potential.

When I’m doing any kind of benching, my shoulder is burning so bad that it’s giving out long before my chest would. So therefore my chest isn’t being pushed to it’s maximum. The same applies to my back workouts. This has always been frustrating, but never as much as it is now. This really sucks.

So all I can do right now, is just keep pushing it as far as I can, hopefully without tearing my shoulder out. Because that’s what it feels like with these heavier, more intense workouts.

On a lighter note…

Today when I was training, I had this guy Randy come up to me, (of whom I consider to be one of the three biggest guys at the gym), and he stopped to tell me how he can’t get over how much size I’ve put on as of late. That he thought I really look great. He said that I must be eating a lot these days, and you know what? He’s fucking right. I’ve been eating my ass of as of late. I’m eating 5 square meals a day. This training is just making me ravenous. But it meant a lot to me to have someone with whom I don’t really ever talk to, and being as massive as he is, (Randy is pushing 250lbs, lean), to tell me that I’m looking good… That’s the kind of encouragement I need these days. For as much as I do love working out, and training… I still have plenty of days where I ask myself why the hell I get up and do this everyday… But feeling like I’m accomplishing something, is one of the reasons I do. That, and I'm driven by an unending pain that I carry around inside.

The "Before" Photos

Well I had Holly take some "before" photos...

They were somewhat discouraging... Part of it is because I'm not nearly as cut as I'd like to be and I don't like to see myself otherwise... but at the same time I'm also in the process of packing weight on too, so what did I expect? I also realized how much I'll need to practice my posing as well. Because currently it sucks. I also seemed to be making a stupid face in every picture which didn't help things at all. So I just put a collage of the more bearable shots together. They're kind of hard to see... but for the sake of the general public... it may be for the best.

Areas I noticed that need special attention are my legs for one. Which was no surprise. Which is why I'm training legs twice a week currently. My tris could use some more definition as well as some size. They're a little narrow. The abs obviously need to tighten up some more, but that'll be addressed more in the final stages of the process, in the dieting phase. Otherwise I need to just keep doing what I'm doing, and keep getting bigger. I hope the "after" pictures will a lot more exciting.

Current weight: 223 lbs.

A Good Start

So far everything has been going well...

I got myself a stopwatch about a few weeks ago, to keep track of my time in between sets. I found that sometimes I'd wait too long, or sometimes not long enough. Either giving myself too much time to cool down, or not enough time to recoup. So since doing this, and pacing myself, I've notice bigger gains in my weights week to week, and in my energy levels as well. It did cut my weight that I was lifting down a little in the beginning, but I'm quickly getting back up to the weight I was lifting before. This is also in part, due to my having just returned from no upper body workouts for a little over a month.

I'm currently working a body part a day, with one full day off a week. I am trying to build my legs up a little more right now, so they get two days a week.

The current schedule is as follows:

DAY 1: Cardio - Abs - Back
DAY2: Cardio - Abs - Chest
Day 3: Cardio - Obliques/Lower Back - Legs
Day 4: Cardio - Abs - Shoulders
Day 5: Cardio - Abs - Bis/Tris
Day 6: Cardio - Obliques/Lower Back - Legs
Day 7: REST!!!

The upper body gets about 3 out of the 7 days to rest. 2 of which are consecutive. Legs get 1 day on, 2 days off, 1 day on, 3 days off.

I used to combine arms with their appropriate counterparts such as: Back/Bis, and Chest/Tris. But this routine is currently working for me. It allows more time to spend my energy focusing on one specific body part, and attacking it from all angles.
I may even go so far as to split Bis, and Tris apart, which I used to do, but we'll see. Right now I think I need to have that rest day. So that the muscles all have SOME time to attempt to regenerate and grow. This is one of the rare instances in life, where I feel that there just aren't enough days in the week.

Current weight: 220 lbs.
Body Fat: 20%

The Early Stages...

Well, I told my mother of my intentions... She didn't seem all that excited or interested in it. But she did tell me about some shows coming up. One is in November, unfortunately it's a week after my father's Iron Man Triathalon. At which I'll be down in Florida, and there's no way I could go away for a week down to Florida, a week out from a competition. I'd have to bring all my own food, I'd be an irritable bastard from all the dieting... there's no way, and I made the commitment to go down there almost a year ago, so that's that. The other one she mentioned was in April. Which is a ways off... 9 months. But that might be the best. I just need to make sure she's not judging the show. Not that I think she'd show any favoritism, in fact I'm sure it'd be quite the opposite. But either way the other competitors may not see it that way, so I'd like to avoid that situation all together.

I still haven't told my Father about it yet. I want to see if he knows of any good natural shows to compete in. But if nothing else I'll aim for the April show.

I also haven't told any of my friends yet. I won't unleash this blog on my website until I have a show date nailed down.

I've already been trying to find a song to work my routine to. The sooner I have one picked the sooner I can begin practicing. I have a couple in mind. But I won't tell anyone what it is, whatever I decide. They'll have to come to the show to see. I'm hoping that a lot of people will come out for it, as it may be the only one I ever do. But I'm not too worried about it. I'm also going to try and get my hands on some of the tapes of my parents' previous shows they competed in, to get ideas for routines, and poses.

I'm also going to have Holly take some pictures of me in the next week or so, (she's the only one who knows right now besides my mother... she also didn't seem very excited about it), so that I can see where I was in the beginning, and we'll take pictures along the way to help me identify what I need to work on as I get closer to the show. If they're not too embarrassing, I'll post a few here.

And So It Begins...

Well, I suppose it was bound to happen...

For about a year or so now, people have all been asking me if/when I was going to compete in a bodybuilding show...

I never felt like I was in THAT kind of shape that I could compete. I still don't know that I am. But when I was a kid and I watched all the shows that my parents either took me to, or had competed in themselves, I knew I wanted to do that someday. Having been to so many, and my mother being a judge now herself, I knew of the politics involved in a bodybuilding competition. That no matter how good you may look, or how hard you train, you may very well get screwed over because someone else in your class was buddies with one of the judges or the promoter. So all of this discouraged me from ever wanting to compete. Ultimately my desire to train everyday comes from being in competition with myself. Just trying to top that which I have already achieved. People ask me, how big do you want to get? My answer to that is, as big as my body will naturally allow. Which I don't think will be much bigger than I am now. But as of late I have lost a little of the fire that has fueled me in the gym the last few years. Partially due to a back injury that kept me from training for about a month and a half.

I have had everyone from close friends, to ex-competitors, current competitors, judges, and promoters all tell me to do a show.

So today, I have decided that I will.

I will compete in an all natural show. Which for those who don't know, is a show where it is illegal to compete if you have used steroids, growth hormones etc. They usually either drug test or do a lie detector to determine this.

One of my biggest reservations about doing this, was the fear of failure. To not place well in the show...

So I have decided that I am not going into this to win my class. I WILL do this with everything that I have, and I will aim for #1. But ultimately my goal is to just do it. To have just gone through the process, and to have competed. It's like starting a band, and just getting through that first show. It won't matter if I place last. If I know that I did everything in my power, to be in the best condition that I could for the show, then that will be good enough for me. The rest of it doesn't matter.

I have decided to compete for the following reasons...

1. To re-ignite my fire in the gym. To give me something new to strive for, a reason to train harder, and unlock my full physical potential.

2. To have fulfilled a desire I once had in my youth, and to prove to myself that I can do it

3. For the sake of a new experience.

4. (It won't hurt the personal training resume'.)

I still have to talk to my parents regarding this. To pick a show, and set the timetable. I would like to have anywhere between 6 to 9 months to prepare for it. To have time to bulk up more, and beef up my legs some.

I have decided to finally make use of this blog I created almost a year ago, but have yet to use... To chronicle this experience. Here I will post my progress, training routines, current weight, diet etc.

A bodybuilding competition is sheer vanity... It is ultimately a beauty pageant. But the work, and time that goes into it is great.

So... here we go.