I had so much momentum going into this weekend, until I had everyone who said they were coming, bail out on me. Now it has really taken the wind out of my sails, which sucks to have this happen the day before the show. I was doing so good up until this.
Granted, my emotions are very fragile presently due to the diet, the drop in water, and everything else that comes along with the conclusion of this whole process. I had a hard time sleeping last night, because I've just been feeling depressed ever since I was flooded with e-mails and voicemails of EVERYONE cancelling.
This is such a big deal to me... I don't know...
I really don't want to take away from how much I appreciate those who ARE coming out to support me. If anything my appreciation for their presence has only been amplified a thousand times now.
You have to understand that at a bodybuilding competition, you NEED to have as big of a cheering section as you can. You need to be able to feed off the crowd, and short of the people who have come out specifically for you, there won't be anyone else cheering or screaming for you. Most people in the audience are there to see the person they came out to support and that's it. Depending on when their person finally hits the stage, the crowd may have had to sit through 50 posing routines already, and are just straight up tired or bored.
Well, anyway...
On the brighter side of things, today is indeed the last day before the competition. This will be my last day of eating turkey burgers, my last day of drinking nothing but water. Granted, tomorrow I won't be eating or drinking anything, but the next time I do I will be able to have whatever I want.
This is one of those times of reflection. Like your last day of school, or your last day at a job...
10 Months ago I decided to finally do this competition. I had several people all telling me that I should compete. I never thought I'd have anything to offer in a bodybuilding competition, and being aware of the politics involved in such a competition, I had avoided it.
The night that finally pushed me over the edge that made me decide to do this, was a party at Tree's. I still remember it perfectly. I was standing outside having drinks and talking with Dan & Mash, and they both were on me about doing a show. Up until this point, I felt like when most people suggested me competing, they were simply trying to be complimentary and that was it. I knew if Mash and Dan, were insistent that it was a good idea, then they weren't bullshitting me and they really felt I should do it. I respect them, and so if they say I should do it then that was that. The next morning I was at the gym working out, and that conversation with them kept running over and over in my head. That day I decided I was going to do it.
So here we are... 10 months later, 45lbs lighter, and 1 day out from the competition. Unfortunately neither of the gentlemen who inspired me to finally do this will be in attendance, but my appreciation for their encouragement remains great.
Thank you to both Dan & Mash, for making me believe in myself enough to go through this whole process and accomplish this goal. I miss you both.
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