Clowns

The first movie that ever scared the shit out of me was Poltergeist.

I was 4 or 5.

My parents told me to stay in my room while they watched it.

I didn't listen.

I snuck out of my room... went down the hall... I peered around the corner to see what they were watching.

The first thing I saw was a kid look under his bed, and a clown came out from under the bed... grabbed the kid... and pulled him kicking and screaming underneath. Proceeding to strangle the kid with it's long boa constrictor like arms, as the kid screamed his unheard pleas for help while his mother was in her room oblivious to it all while blow drying her hair.

I lost my shit.

My parents were like "We told you not to watch this and stay in your room!". They were absolutely right. I should have heeded their fucking advice. Cause I ...WAS... SCARED... SHITLESS!!!

I ACTUALLY HAD A FUCKING STUFFED CLOWN IN MY ROOM!!!

So... I of course did not feel that I would be safe in my bed until SOMEONE... other than myself... looked underneath to make sure there were no evil fucking clowns under there ready to drag my ass into some hellish abyss... that I never even knew existed until I saw it on TV. 

So... enter my Father.

My Mother tells him to look under my bed. To put my mind at ease so that I would not be keeping them up all night as I sobbed in terror at what may lie underneath my place of slumber I once felt so secure in.

He gets down on the floor... 

Gets about half way under the bed and ...

STARTS SCREAMING AND KICKING LIKE HE'S BEING DRAGGED INTO SOME HELLISH ABYSS BY SOME EVIL FUCKING CLOWN!!!

HOLY FUCK!!! 

I lost my shit!

While my Father thought this was absolutely hysterical, my Mother felt otherwise...

She was not happy.

Many may wonder if I have an aversion to clowns on account of what might seem like a traumatic experience for a 4 or 5 year old boy.

The answer is no.

I think clowns are awkward, and to some end make me uncomfortable. But I do not fear your average run of the mill party/parade/street clown. I have yet to meet a clown whose ass I didn't think I could kick on the street. So I feel quite safe in the presence of clowns. Generally they're nice to me.

Occasionally even give me a balloon animal :)

But if I ever look under my bed and one fucking jumps out at me...

I'll most likely lose my shit.