Sunday, October 23, 2005
A Time Of Rest
This will be my last full week of training for a week or so. My father is competing in an Iron Man Triathalon down in Florida next week... I know... this is a hell of a time to go to Florida, but it'll be on the northwest corner of the state, so assuming Florida is still there when we go... it should be ok. But with being gone for a week, I won't be training, and I'll get a week of 100% complete rest. It's hard to force this kind of rest when you're at home, as important as it is, you feel guilty not training... like you're wasting a day. It will be good for my body to get away from the heavy lifting, and rebuild itself... then the exciting thing is coming back to workout even stronger.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Wrestlemania 22 Tickets!!!
Today I got my ticket to Wrestlemania 22...
Now while I’m sure many of you are rolling your eyes , this is a very big thing for me. This is bigger to me than the event itself. It symbolizes something very deep to me, the end of one era… and the beginning of a new one.
5 years ago, I lost someone very dear to me, not to death, I just lost someone who no longer wanted to be apart of my life anymore. Most of you know the situation, and for those who don’t, you don’t need to know.
At the time I was lost and hurt. I had felt pain like I had never felt before, and it affected my life in just about every negative way possible. I lost my job, I lost friends, I lost my passion for music, for art, and I wanted to die. I had to smoke from the minute I got up in the morning, to my last conscious moment at night. For all the harm it was doing me, it was the only thing that kept me from wanting to die. It sedated me.
Right around that time was when I started watching wrestling.
Steve watched it every Monday and Thursday night, and always wanted me to come over to hang out. I wasn’t going over there to watch wrestling, I was going over there to hang out with Steve, to smoke, to get out of the house. It accounted for the whole 4 hours a week I left my home at the time. I never liked wrestling, I gave my brother shit about watching it all the years he did. I had no love for it, and found it a waste of time.
For some reason, I unexpectedly found myself being drawn into it. Taking an undeniable interest in it, at a time when I didn’t have interest in anything. Life was just a big white empty room that I lived in, and each day just ran one into the next. I could barely bring myself to take a shower sometimes, it was that bad. But before I knew it, come hell or high water, I was there for what has now come to be known as “wrestling night” at Steve’s.
Wrestling… who would have thought?
I have always loved characters. That was what I loved about He-Man, Transformers, Garbage Pail Kids, comic books etc. I’ve always been taken with characters. And for the first time since I was a kid, I had found a place where characters existed, in a comic book like setting, but were real people taking real risks. My love for bodybuilding also played a role in my obsession with wrestling. At the time I was grossly out of shape. Smoking my ass off, and either starving for weeks, or eating incessantly. I was gross, and I felt like it. At one point, after having not trained consistently for almost 4 years, I had gotten up to 230lbs and it was all fat. I truly no longer felt like myself. There were so many things in my life that I wanted to change, but had no control over at the time. But one thing I did know how to do, was workout, and lose weight. And if it was the only thing I could change, then I would do it. Being exposed to those physiques week after week and wanting to look, and feel in shape again, let alone look like them, was a big inspiration to me. It got me back into the gym. Which naturally forced me to lay off smoking, more and more as time went on. On my workout CD I’d listen to all of the various entrance songs the wrestler’s would come out to. To remind me why I was back in the gym, to drive me. I had developed an incredible amount of respect for the wrestlers, both as athletes, and human beings. I had read up on them, heard their stories, heard of their adversities they had overcome to get where they are now.
I needed someone to look up to, I needed a hero… I got a hundred of them.
Since then not a single Monday Night RAW, or episode of Smackdown has gone by that I haven’t seen as it aired. I needed a distraction from the pain, I needed something fun in my life again. Wrestling has provided this for me. It has been a long 5 years, and along the way I have suffered through an insurmountable amount of pain, and hidden it well from the general public. I really don’t know how I would have gotten through it without my wrestling.
All along, all I’ve needed was some closure to the events that had unfolded 5 years ago. No amount of wrestling could provide that. I needed the real thing. I needed an end to it. A week ago today I got it.
I spoke to the very person who I had lost so long ago. I got the closest thing to closure that I’m ever going to get, and after 5 years of living in hell over it all… it’s finally over. I will always have a scar on my heart over all that happened… and I still have a lot of healing to do, but the continuing pain is over.
One week later, I procured my ticket to Wrestlemania 22. I made it. I’ve earned it.
I made it through all the hell, all the pain. I whipped my ass back into shape, and am now on the road to compete in a fucking bodybuilding competition. Every sleepless night, every tear shed… And I finally got the answers I needed. And as if it were some sort of reward for it all, when I finally broke free, I was given this chance to go to Wrestlemania.
The last 5 years have all culminated to this event.
Wrestlemania is the biggest show that wrestling has to offer. It has been called the Super Bowl of wrestling, The World Series of wrestling. Wrestlemania has consistently sold out in less than a minute, year after year after year. Last year when they announced that Wrestlemania was coming to Chicago for 2006, I literally was in tears. The dream of going to the biggest show of the year in my hometown seemed to good to be true. Those who have been by my place since that day last March, have all seen the running countdown on the dry erase board in the kitchen. I told everyone, I’d sit in the last seat in the last row… I just want to be there. Even knowing it was coming, I wasn’t sure I’d get to go. Like I said it sells out in less than a minute. I was fortunate enough to get on the pre-sale list, and somehow I got a ticket.
April 2nd, 2006 will be the true culmination of all of these events for me. The day I’m standing there, World Heavyweight Championship around my waist, sign waiving in the air, and the show starting. I’ll have a hard time not breaking down right there.
I will always love wrestling, I will keep watching. It has helped me in so many ways. It somehow became my therapy. I still listen to that CD during workouts to this day, and if you’re wondering what song I’m going to pose to at my competition, I bet you could at least guess where it’s from.
I have a lot of regrets in my life, but one of the biggest has to be that I did not get into wrestling at a younger age. I'm certain that if I had, I would have made it my life's goal to become a wrestler myself.
I’m sure some of you may find this story to be a bit over the top. But it is real, and it is true. And this moment in my life is very important to me. For the first time in 5 years… I now have been reminded of what it truly feels like… to be happy.
So should you be watching Wrestlemania 22 on April 2nd, 2006... Know that Tom Else is there, and that it is one of the most special moments of my life.
170 days until Wrestlemania 22.
Now while I’m sure many of you are rolling your eyes , this is a very big thing for me. This is bigger to me than the event itself. It symbolizes something very deep to me, the end of one era… and the beginning of a new one.
5 years ago, I lost someone very dear to me, not to death, I just lost someone who no longer wanted to be apart of my life anymore. Most of you know the situation, and for those who don’t, you don’t need to know.
At the time I was lost and hurt. I had felt pain like I had never felt before, and it affected my life in just about every negative way possible. I lost my job, I lost friends, I lost my passion for music, for art, and I wanted to die. I had to smoke from the minute I got up in the morning, to my last conscious moment at night. For all the harm it was doing me, it was the only thing that kept me from wanting to die. It sedated me.
Right around that time was when I started watching wrestling.
Steve watched it every Monday and Thursday night, and always wanted me to come over to hang out. I wasn’t going over there to watch wrestling, I was going over there to hang out with Steve, to smoke, to get out of the house. It accounted for the whole 4 hours a week I left my home at the time. I never liked wrestling, I gave my brother shit about watching it all the years he did. I had no love for it, and found it a waste of time.
For some reason, I unexpectedly found myself being drawn into it. Taking an undeniable interest in it, at a time when I didn’t have interest in anything. Life was just a big white empty room that I lived in, and each day just ran one into the next. I could barely bring myself to take a shower sometimes, it was that bad. But before I knew it, come hell or high water, I was there for what has now come to be known as “wrestling night” at Steve’s.
Wrestling… who would have thought?
I have always loved characters. That was what I loved about He-Man, Transformers, Garbage Pail Kids, comic books etc. I’ve always been taken with characters. And for the first time since I was a kid, I had found a place where characters existed, in a comic book like setting, but were real people taking real risks. My love for bodybuilding also played a role in my obsession with wrestling. At the time I was grossly out of shape. Smoking my ass off, and either starving for weeks, or eating incessantly. I was gross, and I felt like it. At one point, after having not trained consistently for almost 4 years, I had gotten up to 230lbs and it was all fat. I truly no longer felt like myself. There were so many things in my life that I wanted to change, but had no control over at the time. But one thing I did know how to do, was workout, and lose weight. And if it was the only thing I could change, then I would do it. Being exposed to those physiques week after week and wanting to look, and feel in shape again, let alone look like them, was a big inspiration to me. It got me back into the gym. Which naturally forced me to lay off smoking, more and more as time went on. On my workout CD I’d listen to all of the various entrance songs the wrestler’s would come out to. To remind me why I was back in the gym, to drive me. I had developed an incredible amount of respect for the wrestlers, both as athletes, and human beings. I had read up on them, heard their stories, heard of their adversities they had overcome to get where they are now.
I needed someone to look up to, I needed a hero… I got a hundred of them.
Since then not a single Monday Night RAW, or episode of Smackdown has gone by that I haven’t seen as it aired. I needed a distraction from the pain, I needed something fun in my life again. Wrestling has provided this for me. It has been a long 5 years, and along the way I have suffered through an insurmountable amount of pain, and hidden it well from the general public. I really don’t know how I would have gotten through it without my wrestling.
All along, all I’ve needed was some closure to the events that had unfolded 5 years ago. No amount of wrestling could provide that. I needed the real thing. I needed an end to it. A week ago today I got it.
I spoke to the very person who I had lost so long ago. I got the closest thing to closure that I’m ever going to get, and after 5 years of living in hell over it all… it’s finally over. I will always have a scar on my heart over all that happened… and I still have a lot of healing to do, but the continuing pain is over.
One week later, I procured my ticket to Wrestlemania 22. I made it. I’ve earned it.
I made it through all the hell, all the pain. I whipped my ass back into shape, and am now on the road to compete in a fucking bodybuilding competition. Every sleepless night, every tear shed… And I finally got the answers I needed. And as if it were some sort of reward for it all, when I finally broke free, I was given this chance to go to Wrestlemania.
The last 5 years have all culminated to this event.
Wrestlemania is the biggest show that wrestling has to offer. It has been called the Super Bowl of wrestling, The World Series of wrestling. Wrestlemania has consistently sold out in less than a minute, year after year after year. Last year when they announced that Wrestlemania was coming to Chicago for 2006, I literally was in tears. The dream of going to the biggest show of the year in my hometown seemed to good to be true. Those who have been by my place since that day last March, have all seen the running countdown on the dry erase board in the kitchen. I told everyone, I’d sit in the last seat in the last row… I just want to be there. Even knowing it was coming, I wasn’t sure I’d get to go. Like I said it sells out in less than a minute. I was fortunate enough to get on the pre-sale list, and somehow I got a ticket.
April 2nd, 2006 will be the true culmination of all of these events for me. The day I’m standing there, World Heavyweight Championship around my waist, sign waiving in the air, and the show starting. I’ll have a hard time not breaking down right there.
I will always love wrestling, I will keep watching. It has helped me in so many ways. It somehow became my therapy. I still listen to that CD during workouts to this day, and if you’re wondering what song I’m going to pose to at my competition, I bet you could at least guess where it’s from.
I have a lot of regrets in my life, but one of the biggest has to be that I did not get into wrestling at a younger age. I'm certain that if I had, I would have made it my life's goal to become a wrestler myself.
I’m sure some of you may find this story to be a bit over the top. But it is real, and it is true. And this moment in my life is very important to me. For the first time in 5 years… I now have been reminded of what it truly feels like… to be happy.
So should you be watching Wrestlemania 22 on April 2nd, 2006... Know that Tom Else is there, and that it is one of the most special moments of my life.
170 days until Wrestlemania 22.
Friday, October 7, 2005
Tom Else: Heavyweight
Well I finally got my hands on the official competition rules, so that I could figure out what weight class I should shoot for. I had initially planned on entering the light heavyweight class, but today I found out that the light heavyweight class cuts off at 198 1/4 lbs. Well I'm around 228lbs right now, with the intent on getting bigger by the show. There's no way that I have 30lbs of fat on me to lose. I couldn't do it, not without losing muscle along the way. It's like trying to squeeze into a tight pair of jeans... it's just not going to happen. If I could have somehow competed in the light heavyweight class, I may have had a real good chance of placing in the top 5.
However, now I will end up qualifying for the heavyweight class, which is 198 1/4lbs and up. Which means I'll be up there with all of the biggest guys in the competition, on the low end of the weight class. So basically... I'm fucked. Like, I don't see how it's possible for me to even place in the show. Short of there being only 4 other heavyweights who enter. Which isn't going to happen. The heavyweight class averages between 10 - 20 guys.
But as I said when I started this, I'm not in it to win anything. It's all about the training. Just like you can't enter your first marathon expecting to win it. When one goes out to do something like this the first time, the goal needs to simply be to do it.
Plus you never know what could happen between now and May 6th, 2006. So I shall press on with the knowledge that I need to start getting seriously big.
However, now I will end up qualifying for the heavyweight class, which is 198 1/4lbs and up. Which means I'll be up there with all of the biggest guys in the competition, on the low end of the weight class. So basically... I'm fucked. Like, I don't see how it's possible for me to even place in the show. Short of there being only 4 other heavyweights who enter. Which isn't going to happen. The heavyweight class averages between 10 - 20 guys.
But as I said when I started this, I'm not in it to win anything. It's all about the training. Just like you can't enter your first marathon expecting to win it. When one goes out to do something like this the first time, the goal needs to simply be to do it.
Plus you never know what could happen between now and May 6th, 2006. So I shall press on with the knowledge that I need to start getting seriously big.
Friday, September 30, 2005
I AM NOT ON STEROIDS!!!
I have had people for the last year or so continually ask me if I do steroids. At first I took it as a compliment, and laughed it off. But as time has gone on, and I've gotten bigger, I have more and more people asking me about it...
My father, my chiropractor, my friends, people in the gym... And not everyone believes me when I tell them NO!!! First of all, the simple fact is, that even if I wanted to take steroids I couldn't afford to. I don't have the money to be spending on shit like that. I am also aware of the effects that steroids can have on your body, especially your kidneys, and your overall mood. I have enough emotional problems to deal with, if I was roiding up on top of it all I'd probably jump out the fucking window. I could see if I looked like Batista or Brock Lesnar, but I'm not THAT big! Those guys are 320 lbs. and 295 lbs. respectively. And cut to shit too. At the very least, if I WERE on steroids, my legs would have filled out more than they are. I'm top heavy, plain and simple.
So in an effort to lay all my cards on the table, I'll tell you all EXACTLY what I take as far as supplements go...
I drink 2 protein drinks at 40 grams each, 5-10 grams of creatine, and 5 grams of glutamine a day. On top of a diet that adds up to a total of 200-250 grams of protein a day. That's it.
All perfectly legal, and safe when used properly.
Bodybuilding is something I have been exposed to since as long as I can remember. My father was always a big guy, and then in my teens he began competing. When I was 15 I started working out myself. I have had the benefit of drawing on not only my parents experience, but friends of theirs who have also been successful natural bodybuilders. I learned good form, and good workout practices right from the get go, and that along with ambition and discipline, goes a long way. That's what I would attribute my "success" to.
It upsets me, because I can honestly say that there are few things in life that I've achieved without taking some sort of short cut around. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. THIS however has been 100%, balls out, all my own effort since day 1. If there is one thing that has given me any sort of advantage beyond what I've already stated, it is an EXTREME emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday, over the loss of several people that I still love dearly. But as much as that can drive me in the gym, it has also driven me out of the gym as well.
What set me off today was, I came into the locker room after a great arms workout, and there are two guys in there. One immediately started telling me that he's noticed a big size increase in me in the last few months. He's a good guy, and I appreciated his noticing, and compliment. Then there was this other fuck, who came by, and basically said the same thing, but then asked me what kind of roids I was on, and where do I get them. Then he went on to tell me that he "knows" I'm on them because of my "puffy" face. Fuck him! I'm already self conscious enough about my fat fucking face, that I don't need this asshole rubbing it in. But that aside, when I told him I'm natural, he says... "every big guy in here says they're natural, and that's a crock of shit." I told him again that I don't, and then he just started basically telling me that he's everyone's hook up in the gym, and all the great deals on roids he could get me, and what they would do for me etc. That he'll be in touch with me the next time he sees me in there. Well he'll be smart if he avoids my ass when I'm in there.
It was just the last straw... Like I said, this is something I have honestly worked hard for, and I will not allow everyone's doubts to take that away from me. I am tired of not being taken sincerely.
So... I have decided that this weekend I am going to make a shirt that says, "NO!!! I AM NOT ON STEROIDS!!!" And I'll wear that when I'm training. And people may think it's egotistical, but I am so fucking tired of the accusation that I'll just answer it before they can ask.
My father, my chiropractor, my friends, people in the gym... And not everyone believes me when I tell them NO!!! First of all, the simple fact is, that even if I wanted to take steroids I couldn't afford to. I don't have the money to be spending on shit like that. I am also aware of the effects that steroids can have on your body, especially your kidneys, and your overall mood. I have enough emotional problems to deal with, if I was roiding up on top of it all I'd probably jump out the fucking window. I could see if I looked like Batista or Brock Lesnar, but I'm not THAT big! Those guys are 320 lbs. and 295 lbs. respectively. And cut to shit too. At the very least, if I WERE on steroids, my legs would have filled out more than they are. I'm top heavy, plain and simple.
So in an effort to lay all my cards on the table, I'll tell you all EXACTLY what I take as far as supplements go...
I drink 2 protein drinks at 40 grams each, 5-10 grams of creatine, and 5 grams of glutamine a day. On top of a diet that adds up to a total of 200-250 grams of protein a day. That's it.
All perfectly legal, and safe when used properly.
Bodybuilding is something I have been exposed to since as long as I can remember. My father was always a big guy, and then in my teens he began competing. When I was 15 I started working out myself. I have had the benefit of drawing on not only my parents experience, but friends of theirs who have also been successful natural bodybuilders. I learned good form, and good workout practices right from the get go, and that along with ambition and discipline, goes a long way. That's what I would attribute my "success" to.
It upsets me, because I can honestly say that there are few things in life that I've achieved without taking some sort of short cut around. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. THIS however has been 100%, balls out, all my own effort since day 1. If there is one thing that has given me any sort of advantage beyond what I've already stated, it is an EXTREME emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday, over the loss of several people that I still love dearly. But as much as that can drive me in the gym, it has also driven me out of the gym as well.
What set me off today was, I came into the locker room after a great arms workout, and there are two guys in there. One immediately started telling me that he's noticed a big size increase in me in the last few months. He's a good guy, and I appreciated his noticing, and compliment. Then there was this other fuck, who came by, and basically said the same thing, but then asked me what kind of roids I was on, and where do I get them. Then he went on to tell me that he "knows" I'm on them because of my "puffy" face. Fuck him! I'm already self conscious enough about my fat fucking face, that I don't need this asshole rubbing it in. But that aside, when I told him I'm natural, he says... "every big guy in here says they're natural, and that's a crock of shit." I told him again that I don't, and then he just started basically telling me that he's everyone's hook up in the gym, and all the great deals on roids he could get me, and what they would do for me etc. That he'll be in touch with me the next time he sees me in there. Well he'll be smart if he avoids my ass when I'm in there.
It was just the last straw... Like I said, this is something I have honestly worked hard for, and I will not allow everyone's doubts to take that away from me. I am tired of not being taken sincerely.
So... I have decided that this weekend I am going to make a shirt that says, "NO!!! I AM NOT ON STEROIDS!!!" And I'll wear that when I'm training. And people may think it's egotistical, but I am so fucking tired of the accusation that I'll just answer it before they can ask.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
An Update
Well it's been a while since I've checked in here. Mostly because there hasn't been much to say. I've been training hard, eating my ass off... I'm 228 lbs. now. I'm slowly creeping up in weight. Been getting stronger... there it is.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
The Date Is Set
Well I finally have the official date of the competition.
The Grand Prix will be held in Rockford IL, on May 6th, 2006.
It's later than I thought it was going to be. Which kind of sucks, just because I was hoping to have the dieting, and all that shit over with before May. But it's early May so no big deal.
Both my Father and my Mother I believe had their first shows competing in the Grand Prix. I know the place it's being held, it's a nice theatre so it'll be awesome. I'm very excited about it. The further along in this I go, the more I'm glad I'm doing it.
The Grand Prix will be held in Rockford IL, on May 6th, 2006.
It's later than I thought it was going to be. Which kind of sucks, just because I was hoping to have the dieting, and all that shit over with before May. But it's early May so no big deal.
Both my Father and my Mother I believe had their first shows competing in the Grand Prix. I know the place it's being held, it's a nice theatre so it'll be awesome. I'm very excited about it. The further along in this I go, the more I'm glad I'm doing it.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Feeling Shitty
Eating is still an issue...
I went from pushing 5 meals a day down, to one if I'm lucky. I'm still going into the gym, and I'm still trying to push as heavy as I can, but with limited sleep, and nourishment the odds are against me. It's better for this shit to all be happening now, rather than closer to the show. Perhaps the depression will shift gears into the eating like crazy kind...
I went from pushing 5 meals a day down, to one if I'm lucky. I'm still going into the gym, and I'm still trying to push as heavy as I can, but with limited sleep, and nourishment the odds are against me. It's better for this shit to all be happening now, rather than closer to the show. Perhaps the depression will shift gears into the eating like crazy kind...
Sunday, August 21, 2005
1000 Crunches
Well tonight I finally told my father about the competition. He was excited and supportive, as I knew he would be. He thinks I'll have to diet down to about 205 - 200lbs. at the most. He said he was going to talk to his friend, Dr. Michael J. Dusa about writing out my 12 week diet for me. Dr. Dusa is an old friend of my father's who has coached him through his previous competitions, and who I hung out with during the day at my father's competitions. He had written my father's diets for him when he competed, and he was always shredded. It's hard, but it goes with the territory. Dr. Dusa is a bodybuilding promoter himself in Conneticut, and had also been encouraging me to compete.
I also talked to my father about trimming down my mid-section. He said that 1000 crunches a day is an absolute sure fire way to get serious abs going. It sounds insane, but starting tomorrow I'll find out just how insane it is.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Picking Myself Up By My Bootstraps...
Well today I went into the gym and tried my damndest to train arms. I currently am filled with a lot of hurt and frustration so I tried to let it out in there and I taught those weights a thing or two. I'm trying to eat more, and trying to readjust to the world a little bit. I'm lifting much heavier these days, and I'm noticing big gains in the weight I'm throwing around now, so that's encouraging.
I'd like to say thanks to the people who have been particuarly supportive of me this last week. Things have been rough. I'd like to send a special thank you out to my good friend Lisa, you've been a big help to me.
I'd like to say thanks to the people who have been particuarly supportive of me this last week. Things have been rough. I'd like to send a special thank you out to my good friend Lisa, you've been a big help to me.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
The Worst News
Yesterday I recieved hands down the worst news I've ever heard in my entire life. This is not the place to get into details, but it's relevant nonetheless. I have suffered from chronic insomnia for the past 5 years. It has been hard enough for me to get the proper amount of rest I need to get through each day. After what I heard yesterday, it has sent it into a whole other realm. I can't sleep at all. I've eaten a bowl of cereal in the past 24hrs. This is not good. I can't have this shit happen to me now. I need to be eating a lot, and getting a lot of rest. Neither of which seem remotely possible. It all adds up to the equivilant of finding out your best friend died. I didn't think things could get worse... somehow they did.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Pressing On
Well I went to the chiropracter yesterday. Today I felt a lot better, looser. I took it easy and just trained legs. Tomorrow I have another appointment, and I'll probably try training chest afterwards. So we'll see how it goes. I don't want to miss too much time from lifting, but I also need to give it time to heal. I'm very impatient though with not getting to work out.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Setbacks
Man, this shit with my back sucks. It's still hard to turn my head. It's like The Big Show is squeezing the back of my neck, and something is jabbing into my rhomboid.
I trained legs today, just to try and get something done. It was rough, but I got through it.
I ran into a buddy of mine from the gym named Peter. Our schedules vary, so I may see him for a month straight, and then not see him for 2 months after. Today was the first I had seen him since before I had gone to Boston. I told him about the competition, and he was very excited. He's one of the people who has been a big source of encouragement for me. So he said he can't wait.
Also, I saw Mash Angolkar last night. He had just gotten back from India, on a business trip. But I told him, I decided to this competition. He seemed excited about it, and said he was proud of me, and glad to hear I'm finally going to do it. So that meant a lot to me.
At this point, I'm going to be stuck doing legs until this thing with my back can work itself out. I'm going to try and get it looked at this week sometime. It fucking hurts.
I trained legs today, just to try and get something done. It was rough, but I got through it.
I ran into a buddy of mine from the gym named Peter. Our schedules vary, so I may see him for a month straight, and then not see him for 2 months after. Today was the first I had seen him since before I had gone to Boston. I told him about the competition, and he was very excited. He's one of the people who has been a big source of encouragement for me. So he said he can't wait.
Also, I saw Mash Angolkar last night. He had just gotten back from India, on a business trip. But I told him, I decided to this competition. He seemed excited about it, and said he was proud of me, and glad to hear I'm finally going to do it. So that meant a lot to me.
At this point, I'm going to be stuck doing legs until this thing with my back can work itself out. I'm going to try and get it looked at this week sometime. It fucking hurts.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Injured!
Fuck Me!!!
Well just when I was getting worried about the reprocussions of my bad shoulder... boom... it fucks me. I was training shoulders today, doing some front arm raises, and my shoulder gave way and when the weight fell, it jerked my arm and pulled a muscle in my upper back. So now it's very stiff, and I have a hard time turning my head. So now I'll be down for a few days. It's very frustrating to want to go work out so bad, and know that I can't. I hate this. But it could be worse. This will pass in a few days. For now, I'm just icing it, and taking ibuprofen to ease the pain.
Well just when I was getting worried about the reprocussions of my bad shoulder... boom... it fucks me. I was training shoulders today, doing some front arm raises, and my shoulder gave way and when the weight fell, it jerked my arm and pulled a muscle in my upper back. So now it's very stiff, and I have a hard time turning my head. So now I'll be down for a few days. It's very frustrating to want to go work out so bad, and know that I can't. I hate this. But it could be worse. This will pass in a few days. For now, I'm just icing it, and taking ibuprofen to ease the pain.
Tuesday, August 9, 2005
My Bad Shoulder... And A Compliment
I’ve had problems with my shoulder for a few years now. It got it fucked up when my wasted ass decided to wrestle one of my friends, who actually was a wrestler at one time. In less than a second he had driven my shoulder square into the ground. Everyone in the room could hear it pop, or crack or whatever sound it made. I had this rush of adrenaline or something rush through my body, and I started going numb, everything was going black, and it felt like someone had stuffed cotton in my ears. My body was shaking, I had gotten the chills…
You wouldn’t think all of this could happen from getting your shoulder fucked, but apparently it can.
Long story short, I came around finally, and just kept it in a sling for a week or so. It hurt too much to move it, or put any weight on it. I didn’t have any medical insurance so there wasn’t anything I could do about getting it checked out. So to this day it has gone unchecked, and I’ve trained with it ever since. It’s always hurt, more so on chest, and shoulders days. It burns with unimaginable pain. It’s always held me back to a degree, but now it’s doing so more than ever. This is a time when I need to really start lifting heavier, and while I can do so to a point, this shoulder is holding me back from my full potential.
When I’m doing any kind of benching, my shoulder is burning so bad that it’s giving out long before my chest would. So therefore my chest isn’t being pushed to it’s maximum. The same applies to my back workouts. This has always been frustrating, but never as much as it is now. This really sucks.
So all I can do right now, is just keep pushing it as far as I can, hopefully without tearing my shoulder out. Because that’s what it feels like with these heavier, more intense workouts.
On a lighter note…
Today when I was training, I had this guy Randy come up to me, (of whom I consider to be one of the three biggest guys at the gym), and he stopped to tell me how he can’t get over how much size I’ve put on as of late. That he thought I really look great. He said that I must be eating a lot these days, and you know what? He’s fucking right. I’ve been eating my ass of as of late. I’m eating 5 square meals a day. This training is just making me ravenous. But it meant a lot to me to have someone with whom I don’t really ever talk to, and being as massive as he is, (Randy is pushing 250lbs, lean), to tell me that I’m looking good… That’s the kind of encouragement I need these days. For as much as I do love working out, and training… I still have plenty of days where I ask myself why the hell I get up and do this everyday… But feeling like I’m accomplishing something, is one of the reasons I do. That, and I'm driven by an unending pain that I carry around inside.
You wouldn’t think all of this could happen from getting your shoulder fucked, but apparently it can.
Long story short, I came around finally, and just kept it in a sling for a week or so. It hurt too much to move it, or put any weight on it. I didn’t have any medical insurance so there wasn’t anything I could do about getting it checked out. So to this day it has gone unchecked, and I’ve trained with it ever since. It’s always hurt, more so on chest, and shoulders days. It burns with unimaginable pain. It’s always held me back to a degree, but now it’s doing so more than ever. This is a time when I need to really start lifting heavier, and while I can do so to a point, this shoulder is holding me back from my full potential.
When I’m doing any kind of benching, my shoulder is burning so bad that it’s giving out long before my chest would. So therefore my chest isn’t being pushed to it’s maximum. The same applies to my back workouts. This has always been frustrating, but never as much as it is now. This really sucks.
So all I can do right now, is just keep pushing it as far as I can, hopefully without tearing my shoulder out. Because that’s what it feels like with these heavier, more intense workouts.
On a lighter note…
Today when I was training, I had this guy Randy come up to me, (of whom I consider to be one of the three biggest guys at the gym), and he stopped to tell me how he can’t get over how much size I’ve put on as of late. That he thought I really look great. He said that I must be eating a lot these days, and you know what? He’s fucking right. I’ve been eating my ass of as of late. I’m eating 5 square meals a day. This training is just making me ravenous. But it meant a lot to me to have someone with whom I don’t really ever talk to, and being as massive as he is, (Randy is pushing 250lbs, lean), to tell me that I’m looking good… That’s the kind of encouragement I need these days. For as much as I do love working out, and training… I still have plenty of days where I ask myself why the hell I get up and do this everyday… But feeling like I’m accomplishing something, is one of the reasons I do. That, and I'm driven by an unending pain that I carry around inside.
Sunday, August 7, 2005
The "Before" Photos
Well I had Holly take some "before" photos...They were somewhat discouraging... Part of it is because I'm not nearly as cut as I'd like to be and I don't like to see myself otherwise... but at the same time I'm also in the process of packing weight on too, so what did I expect? I also realized how much I'll need to practice my posing as well. Because currently it sucks. I also seemed to be making a stupid face in every picture which didn't help things at all. So I just put a collage of the more bearable shots together. They're kind of hard to see... but for the sake of the general public... it may be for the best.
Areas I noticed that need special attention are my legs for one. Which was no surprise. Which is why I'm training legs twice a week currently. My tris could use some more definition as well as some size. They're a little narrow. The abs obviously need to tighten up some more, but that'll be addressed more in the final stages of the process, in the dieting phase. Otherwise I need to just keep doing what I'm doing, and keep getting bigger. I hope the "after" pictures will a lot more exciting.
Current weight: 223 lbs.
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