Friday, September 30, 2005


I have had people for the last year or so continually ask me if I do steroids. At first I took it as a compliment, and laughed it off. But as time has gone on, and I've gotten bigger, I have more and more people asking me about it...

My father, my chiropractor, my friends, people in the gym... And not everyone believes me when I tell them NO!!! First of all, the simple fact is, that even if I wanted to take steroids I couldn't afford to. I don't have the money to be spending on shit like that. I am also aware of the effects that steroids can have on your body, especially your kidneys, and your overall mood. I have enough emotional problems to deal with, if I was roiding up on top of it all I'd probably jump out the fucking window. I could see if I looked like Batista or Brock Lesnar, but I'm not THAT big! Those guys are 320 lbs. and 295 lbs. respectively. And cut to shit too. At the very least, if I WERE on steroids, my legs would have filled out more than they are. I'm top heavy, plain and simple.

So in an effort to lay all my cards on the table, I'll tell you all EXACTLY what I take as far as supplements go...

I drink 2 protein drinks at 40 grams each, 5-10 grams of creatine, and 5 grams of glutamine a day. On top of a diet that adds up to a total of 200-250 grams of protein a day. That's it.

All perfectly legal, and safe when used properly.

Bodybuilding is something I have been exposed to since as long as I can remember. My father was always a big guy, and then in my teens he began competing. When I was 15 I started working out myself. I have had the benefit of drawing on not only my parents experience, but friends of theirs who have also been successful natural bodybuilders. I learned good form, and good workout practices right from the get go, and that along with ambition and discipline, goes a long way. That's what I would attribute my "success" to.

It upsets me, because I can honestly say that there are few things in life that I've achieved without taking some sort of short cut around. I'm not proud of that, but it's true. THIS however has been 100%, balls out, all my own effort since day 1. If there is one thing that has given me any sort of advantage beyond what I've already stated, it is an EXTREME emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday, over the loss of several people that I still love dearly. But as much as that can drive me in the gym, it has also driven me out of the gym as well.

What set me off today was, I came into the locker room after a great arms workout, and there are two guys in there. One immediately started telling me that he's noticed a big size increase in me in the last few months. He's a good guy, and I appreciated his noticing, and compliment. Then there was this other fuck, who came by, and basically said the same thing, but then asked me what kind of roids I was on, and where do I get them. Then he went on to tell me that he "knows" I'm on them because of my "puffy" face. Fuck him! I'm already self conscious enough about my fat fucking face, that I don't need this asshole rubbing it in. But that aside, when I told him I'm natural, he says... "every big guy in here says they're natural, and that's a crock of shit." I told him again that I don't, and then he just started basically telling me that he's everyone's hook up in the gym, and all the great deals on roids he could get me, and what they would do for me etc. That he'll be in touch with me the next time he sees me in there. Well he'll be smart if he avoids my ass when I'm in there.

It was just the last straw... Like I said, this is something I have honestly worked hard for, and I will not allow everyone's doubts to take that away from me. I am tired of not being taken sincerely.

So... I have decided that this weekend I am going to make a shirt that says, "NO!!! I AM NOT ON STEROIDS!!!" And I'll wear that when I'm training. And people may think it's egotistical, but I am so fucking tired of the accusation that I'll just answer it before they can ask.

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