Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Velform Sauna Belt

If you are like me and find yourself watching infomercials all night long, might I reccomend the one for the Velform "Sauna Belt"...

If you'd really like to laugh your ass off this is the infomercial for you. It is one of the biggest pieces of bullshit I've ever seen in my life, and their claims are so fucking outrageous, it boggles the mind. You'll see them show some haggard woman whose 200lbs, and then show her morph into this fine ass 125lbs model. It's so much bullshit, I just can't believe that they're serious. That someone is actually paying for the television time for this piece of shit, and even worse that there's probably a whole mess of poor saps out there buying this thing that will soon be taking up space in their basement somewhere.

The infomercial is supposedly set in some sort of tropical island setting. The hosts of this comedic masterpiece are such amazing idiots you can't stand it, and then in the background they actually have belly dancers wearing the sauna belt. They persistently show you the unpleasant looking sweaty stomachs of everyone as they take this belt off. Amazingly however, guys who had guts when they put it on, take it off to reveal chiseled 6 pack abs. It truly is an amazing product... sigh. They also conveniently give you a book on their "never fail" diet plan. Which I think is funny, because if their belt worked the way they claim it does, you wouldn't need to diet. Oh! and don't forget the FREE measuring tape included in the package, so that you can track the inches as they sweat right off of you all over whatever you're sitting in.

Their claim is that just by wearing this belt you'll sweat the fat right off of your stomach, hips, and ass. Well, first of all it's not fat you're sweating off, it's water. Water which is easily replenished with the next drink you have. If in fact it does allow you to sweat inches off as they claim it does, this would be useful if you are trying to make weight for your next wrestling meet, or bodybuilding competition... even then you would expect that weight to have returned by the end of the evening. You most certainly aren't going to put it on, only to take it off an hour later and be dazzled with that 6 pack you never even knew you had. I guess bodybuilders and athletes of all kinds have been wasting their time perfecting methods on working and strengthening their abs all these years. What a shame. If only we had known about this belt sooner!

I've seen this a few times now... It was on one time as I was in the locker room in the gym getting ready to leave. It was amazing, every single guy who entered the locker room and heard even 2 seconds of this infomercial were stopped dead in their tracks, and had to watch this. We were all just dumbfounded that this could even exist. Within 5 minutes there had to be 10 guys entranced by this infomercial, just ripping it to shreds.

For a mere 2 payments of 39.99, you too can own this dieting miracle PLUS you can get a second sauna belt for half off if you order right now... or at all.

Like I said, if you need a good laugh... stay up one night, and look for it. It's one of the most hysterical 1/2 hours on television today.

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