I’ve had problems with my shoulder for a few years now. It got it fucked up when my wasted ass decided to wrestle one of my friends, who actually was a wrestler at one time. In less than a second he had driven my shoulder square into the ground. Everyone in the room could hear it pop, or crack or whatever sound it made. I had this rush of adrenaline or something rush through my body, and I started going numb, everything was going black, and it felt like someone had stuffed cotton in my ears. My body was shaking, I had gotten the chills…
You wouldn’t think all of this could happen from getting your shoulder fucked, but apparently it can.
Long story short, I came around finally, and just kept it in a sling for a week or so. It hurt too much to move it, or put any weight on it. I didn’t have any medical insurance so there wasn’t anything I could do about getting it checked out. So to this day it has gone unchecked, and I’ve trained with it ever since. It’s always hurt, more so on chest, and shoulders days. It burns with unimaginable pain. It’s always held me back to a degree, but now it’s doing so more than ever. This is a time when I need to really start lifting heavier, and while I can do so to a point, this shoulder is holding me back from my full potential.
When I’m doing any kind of benching, my shoulder is burning so bad that it’s giving out long before my chest would. So therefore my chest isn’t being pushed to it’s maximum. The same applies to my back workouts. This has always been frustrating, but never as much as it is now. This really sucks.
So all I can do right now, is just keep pushing it as far as I can, hopefully without tearing my shoulder out. Because that’s what it feels like with these heavier, more intense workouts.
On a lighter note…
Today when I was training, I had this guy Randy come up to me, (of whom I consider to be one of the three biggest guys at the gym), and he stopped to tell me how he can’t get over how much size I’ve put on as of late. That he thought I really look great. He said that I must be eating a lot these days, and you know what? He’s fucking right. I’ve been eating my ass of as of late. I’m eating 5 square meals a day. This training is just making me ravenous. But it meant a lot to me to have someone with whom I don’t really ever talk to, and being as massive as he is, (Randy is pushing 250lbs, lean), to tell me that I’m looking good… That’s the kind of encouragement I need these days. For as much as I do love working out, and training… I still have plenty of days where I ask myself why the hell I get up and do this everyday… But feeling like I’m accomplishing something, is one of the reasons I do. That, and I'm driven by an unending pain that I carry around inside.